the deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy

I've turned into an emotional brat. Went out wit **** (hint: four-letter word.. so it's one of my good frens la) last night. Wanted to go drinking to distract myself from the night before, but he got me to follow him to play drums instead. Haha.. *sigh* We had a chat at Federation Square before his last 11.40 tram but I was mostly complaining about everything. While he accompanied me to my tram stop, we started talking about bad breakups. I just dunno why we had to have that conversation. Got quite agitated and stated my opinion really loudly to him. Then he got so irritated with me being loud in public and said I had to change my style otherwise no one's gonna like me. And that I was a very selfish person.

Like okay.. Fine.. I appreciate an honest comment coming from a best friend. I think I'm selfish and really loud too, there are so many things I find distasteful about myself. But I disagree with the other things.

Disagreement #1: Just cos I react to cowardly exxes and breakups with anger and he doesn't, doesn't mean I have to follow the way he handles things. Of course it's hard to be frank about your feelings when you don't feel the love anymore. I understand, but I'm still not settling on being sympathetic about it. All the more you should gather your courage to express yourself, even if he/she's gonna think you're a bloody asshole afterward. You're gonna be a bigger selfish arsehole to him/her if you don't say anything.

Disagreement #2: And yes I do believe that the one you like should accept you for who you are. I agree with him that sometimes you gotta change yourself to be with the people you like, but if you change yourself a lot then you're just not you anymore and it's meaningless if he/she's happy with you while you're restraining yourself. There will always be someone who doesn't like something about you and there will always be something about you that each person dislikes. You just can't please everyone.

Though I was a little sulky, I was actually fine with it. But when he rushed off for his tram stop, his words started sinking in and I just couldn't stop crying like some stupid bugger. Man.. Everyone at the tram stop steered clear of me. It sucks to get those fucking emotional periods. I promised **** I'd go home straightaway but I found myself wandering along the Yarra River to Crown for a while and finally went home at 2am.

Guess I'm feeling okay now. Neither happy nor sad. My studies are fucked for this semester. I still ain't disciplining myself. Don't feel like talking to any of the guys till all this stress is over. So fed up already. I'm relying a lot more on my blog now. Can't really say anything properly to my friends, even the girls in Singapore. Ah shit..