the deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy

din realli do much yesterdae.. watched garfield last nite wit alan, andrias, willy & daniel~! i think my mum and sis got caught up with their gambling in the casino so i had to shop around in crown myself till past midnight.. there were so mani asian ppl there!!!! and then it hit me tt the biggest event of the yr was going on... reclaim~ haha.. heard 3 clubs were opening~ i'm not kidding when i sae that whole floor was PACKED! with very skimpily clad girls and guys in suits~! luckily i din noe abt it otherwise i wud have gone! hehe bleaghs!

today 9.30am went for drum lessons.. walked around melbourne museum.. walked home... played 9 holes golf with alan, my drama tcher roger, and some elderly man who tagged along~ it was all gd fun~! hehe.. i hit some pretty good shots~ rushed off to student committee meeting until 5~ now i'm hanging around at home~ happie with my delicious temaki (handroll) dinner and chocolate & strawberries fondue!!! mMMM!! hehe.. are u jealous? =]

aiya.. i feel weird~! i can't realli write ani interesting thots down~ maybe it's cos i have too mani activities to realli sit down and think abt what i'm doing~ hmm... give me time to improve my entries! please!!

ooo manszx.. busy busy! no time for work! friday i went to club at castle with alan & the usual girls~! alan & i went in early so it took abt half an hour for the crowd to start packing in.. migosh, felt like an eternity so we drank to fill up our time! that's so not good! met haresh & some cmc guys there too~ it was quite surprising but oh wells, as long as everyone had fun~! tried victoria bitter beer.. it's good man i loved it~ but still.. COWBOY is still the best!!! tastes like ice cream!!!! but i cudn't drink too much later if i go home mi mum might have started nagging.. this alan drank a lot too~ he laughed for dunno wad reason while walking me home~ hahahahazsx.. thank goodness he got home safe and sound~

on both saturday and sunday, i went with my sis's frens henrietta & stella to this dance workshop thing.. i think i mentioned it before~ the choreographers who worked with the famous came~! everybody else were realli gd dancers man.. stella pointed out tt a lot of them were alreadi teaching at other dance schs! NO WONDER! but still.. i felt so incompetent! and omg the lady tcher is HOT man! she's so perky & chirpy!! the guy danced so jerky and COOL!!!!! i took pics wit them.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! haha.. but it's realli not easy going for 4 1-hour sessions a day.. by the end of the first day my back was swollen.. there was free physiotherapy.. but the lady massaged my hip and bum until i kept yelping! and up to now my whole body is so stiff tt i can't walk up and down stairs and sit down without the railings or external help!argh!! OUCH! even this old man kept staring at me with this piteous look while i climbed up the stairs afta watching shark's tale!!!

rushed off to shumei's fren's party at nite but din realli noe anione so i just helped miself to the chips n drinks n stuck miself to the sofa to watch bootmen~! adam garcia is cute man!

oh wells.. for today.. I MISSED AN APPOINTMENT! was supp to go to the printers with stephanus and ashwinny but i just overslept thinking it was onli the grp meeting afta that.. feel BAD!! we din realli discuss much~ hmmm.... but the poster for the ball got printed.. AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!!! i realli admire the guy who created that man! it's this reflection of a tiger on a leaf in water.. and the tiger's eyes were so enchanting.. it fits with out theme "mesmerized" too! hehehe~ i'll show u guys nex time!

soft blue bubbles

hehe.. sorta just finished mi eap presentation outline liao.. and it's still the hols!!! bleaghs!! aniwae.. its 4am.. i can't sleep.. *sighs*

uploading pics now to my feb #2 and moonlight dancing.. look out!

today's like what... tuesday?? hahahah just went to the printer's with stephanus and vincent ramos for our annual ball tickets~ i think it looks rather good considering we have a budget and limit of one colour: maroon on gold paper~i sure do hope many people will attend the Ball~ and for yesterdae's meeting we have chosen the menu! it realli looks darn good so all u trinity ppl betta buy ur tickets asap.. and i mean ASAP~ =] oh the july intake has 2 ppl selected to join the student committee~ it'll be kinda cool~ "reinforcements" hehe.. ate lots of ice cream and pancake with justine and there was stephanus & alan happily drinking and not helping us eat the heap of food!! wah lau eh~ hehe.. went to pay for this dance workshop for this weekend, the "you got served" choreographer, kevin maher and this lady, teresa espinosa (working with britney, j.lo, chingy etc.) will be coming down under to teach us how to groove!!! and i'll be there with stella!! YEAH MAN I'M SO SUPER DUPER EXCITED!!!!! the lady at the office even showed me a video clip of the teachers dancing and omg i'm super amazed.. every single movement they made was special and brimful of expression~! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! can't wait!!! ran for nike running training camp later on.. they have so mani freebies!! u can rent their shoes for free and eat their wonderful sandwiches and cupcakes!! i so have to go again! i'll feel so motivated! oh yarh my mum arrived on sunday and we lazed around at home and watched this korean drama series.. wahh so sad man until i cry worr! hhahaha.. kk.. i'm gonna go out wit pretty boy & shumei now! i love my life!!! see yaszx!!!

oh man.. just woke up~ slept for 10 hours! lemme recount the last two days~

thursday was alan's birthday~! he's 17 now!! went with him, daniel and andrias to watch home on the range at jam factory. it was rather lame but i loved it! so cute! we took funni pics with the catwoman standing ad too! ate at greco's after that~ what could have been betta? i got alan a freeze pack shower gel thing from lush~ i realli hope he likes it! went to town afta tt to meet my sis & her friends.. bought this cute pink dress from supre and ate at some roti prata food court. met florence & silvia~ went home.. watched this sars documentary video (for my sis's work) until i dozed off for an hour or so. wore the new pink dress for clubbing at chicane lounge. it was pretty cool man. altho there weren't many ppl, it felt much less stuffier and smokier than the other clubs. more space to dance too! there were 2 floors, one r'n'b and the other techno with a coupla beds.. *cheeky smile* the techno floor was kinda pathetic but it was quite fun cos there were a few pple there who danced the melbourne shuffle for techno and i even learned a little! kinda difficult! hehehe~ by the time i got home and showered it was 5am so i called sylvia in boston and we talked until 7am and i had to go meet florence liao.. SO I NEVER SLEPT! ARGH!

haha.. okie met florence and went to chadstone for some shopping.. chadstone is this realli grand mall full of branded shops and there's even a store called veronica lodge! u noe.. that rich girl in archie comics? hehe.. yups and the clothes were so darn cool~! but the price also so dang cool la... 500 bucks for a dress.. *sob* well i'm still realli happie with my last yr grad dress so wadeva it ain't realli a big thing.. flor & i got back to grattan for a student committee meeting that lasted 3 hours cos we all kept chatting and fooling around~ haha but at least we decided on quite a lot of things liao. like our marketing plan and all tt~ =] met ivan & dexter and altho they played percussion freaks for the past 2 hours to celebrate their end of exams, this ivan walked mi to my place to borrow my drum sticks so tt he cud look and feel betta while playing.. for another 2 hours! hahaha... he seems realli crazy for that game now. ate at dessert house wit florence & dexter.. turns out dexter stays in the same hostel as wyn tay! muahaha~ got home and slept at 11.30 till just now! ooh feels so good!! but i just missed the nike running training camp.. so sad.. i'll go call my sis's friend for our own jog! kie ciao

WOOHOO!!! EXXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER~! NO SHIT MAN I'M FRIGGIN HAPPI!!

as u can guess, i've been having realli long days afta tt man~!

afta lit exam on tues went lunch at this singaporean restaurant called singapore chom chom or sth with alan's gang and daniel and shari-anne~ the waiters were kinda cute! later on went with dan, shari-anne, alan and andrias to crown to watch the terminal (it's so sweet but not artificially sweet! tom hanks is a superb actor!) and played in da arcadearcade~! i din noe u cud pay 15 bucks for a card and just have unlimited play for one hour on tuesdays! all of us just shared one card and used like mad! oh! on the way there i bumped (more like ran and crashed) into wynnie at nike melbourne and she has lost so much freakin weight since my birthday party!!! she has more curves now! wad is her problem i'm so jealous!!!! and her hair is WOAH now! blonder, longer, spikier and more unusual~! heheh =] made this wildberry cheesecake but it's from the ready made mix~

today (wed) well i went for drum lessons like 40 minutes late cos i daydreamed and missed a few tram stops and had to walk a lot! but he finished in like half an hour at 10.15~ den went home.. played around with my photoshop (doin sth creative for sylvia's super belated bdae SORRY!) played 9 holes of golf with roger in the afternoon.. it was fun, he gave me lotsa tips and my swing improved~ went shopping in town wit sis & amir... drank kokoblack!! love it! ohh and we visited this games shop.. and i've decided tt afta i move house, i'm so gonna buy the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of michelangelo's the creation of adam~!!!! i must not forget i must NOT forget! hehe went home and watched the wedding banquet~ it's a realli nice show~ it's abt this gay china guy in new york forced to marry a china girl to make his parents happi.. very interesting~

oh man.. i can hear a guy and girl on the street shouting and swearing at each other.. this is wad happens when ur windows are open and i can't shut it cos the pulley system isn't working.. *sigh* oh wells.. i shud get to sleep soon~! it's alan's birthday and i'm gonna watch a movie wit him in the afternoon.. another long day cos it's time for clubbing tonite once again!!! hehehe~ HAPPI BIRTHDAY ALAN!! ALL THE BEST IN WHATEVER YOU DO!!

dang.. woke up at 12.30pm todae.. stupid me was pms-ing last night and changing layouts till like 3am~ *sighs* i feel bad last night mel kept messaging me on msn but i cudn't reply her cos i din noe wad to sae and i felt too shitty. and now i just did but i still can't bring myself to sae anithing substantial.. argh.. why am i still actin so cheerful to mi melb frens? todae i went for lunch at nandos and maths support with shumei but it ended up as a study session cos the teacher was booked by so mani pple. we took a few breaks to chat and u noe wad she said to me? she saed u and ___ (dunno how to spell) are like mi best frens here. i was touched. but i feel guilty cos i dun realli treat her as nice as she does me.

i have maths 1 exam on monday and lit exam on tuesday.. damn.. i so have to start on my essay for lit now so tt i can memorise and vomit it all out on the day itself.. kaes if i hang arnd on blogger ani longer i'll nv make ani progress so bye bye~

dunno where to start first.. i wanna organise my feelings.. i'm gonna start tryin to put more personal feelings into my blog even if no one reads it. maybe i'll start with the normal pleasant things tt happened todae~ went to maths lecture like an hour late.. oh i dozed off for a short moment during our psych tute class interaction while my tutor was going on abt sth and he poked mi in the ribs and i jolted awake as if someone just shouted "BOMB" and the whole class laughed at me. haha.. went out a couple of times with jun lee to shop todae~ i'm deprived of shopping man. afta tt had a small gathering at stella's apartment for a kinda pot luck dinner~ i made two trays of apple crumble! haha.. i hardly knew pple there... and even if i did they were too busy or much older~ but i had fun my night was saved by eating and eating and later on we played heart attack and snap it was realli funni, we all kept screaming in fear of losing each round. nex time i noe wad to do when one can't realli get a conversation going. =] they're all gone clubbing now~

aniwae.. wahh last night i was so pissed off man.. mum called mi and screamed at me on the phone for sth i did which i din noe was wrong in ani wae and wei chan & shumei were starin at me in the baillieu library wonderin wad the hell was going on.. dang.. i wanted to give mi mum attitude cos i din even understand why she was angry over such a ridiculously small thing.. but all i cud do was be silent. i dun like arguing wit my mother maybe cos i realli dun want to aggravate the situation or i'm just a bloody sissy. went home and my sis was so irritated cos she also got a scolding from both mi parents.. and den she had to yell at me abt the chua family problems.. i can't believe she just had to tell me "welcome to the real world".. it sounded so menacing.. and i just suddenly burst into tears.. felt so stupid man.. and worse of all, her bf had to see me in such a state. i hate showing ppl my tears. firstly, they make mi look horrible and secondly they are my very own, almost sacred, comfort. i realli can't help it if my parents are such private ppl dat the most harmless thing i tell mi cousin abt my family gets twisted into betrayal accordin to them. i can't help but think tt i alwaes feel as if i was the bloody black sheep of the family cos i'm alwaes so out of sync with them.. maybe it's cos i left brunei so young and my sis and parents dun like mi being so open-minded, singaporeanised and havin different views from them.

i noe i told miself not to bother abt my inability to have proper frens in sch.. tt was just a coupla posts or so ago.. but i can't help thinking abt it.. i just dun understand pple and they all dun understand me. i have no one in melbourne to call everytime i'm sad or lonely n no one i can consider a real friend. it's the same thing each time i'm in sch.. everyone waves hi to me, i act like how i was in sngs, all cheerful and dirty-minded but it's all a surface conversation. delve deeper and we'll repel from each other. yet at the same time, i have found some potential frens and yet i dun want to get too close to them.. i'm afraid of fake pple.. wtf am i doing? how can i make frens when i dun even understand miself and know what i want or need in friendships. i probably might get driven to think i have a split personality cos i'm actualli not tt cheerful and optimistic and kind.. i'm realli just a selfish, rude and proud spoilt brat. i'm so fake and full of shit. maybe i shud just go be an actress. i dun wanna try too hard in making frens bcos i've made great frens in spore and i noe tt friendships just form naturally and over time. i know almost everybody in sch to a similar extent and i noe i mite be popular in one wae or another cos of the stupid things i alwaes do. but really man.. popularity doesn't do a shit to how happi u are and how great ur friends can be. it kinda worked in sngs.. but not here in trinity. i've heard tt a many cliques in trinity have had problems and broken up for various reasons. i noe this is evil, but i have to admit tt i felt kinda lucky tt i wasn't in any clique but i was just trying to console miself.. still i do feel a tinge of jealousy tt even if they hate each other now, they still do think abt each other. and tt's wad i can't get.. ppl dun think abt me, positively or negatively.. i feel like an invisible ghost living a bittersweet life with a mask on her face.

okie.. i still dunno why i can't organise mi thots properly.. all my sentences aren't exactly smooth-flowin and relevant to each other.. freak.. wadeva. i'm so full of angst but i hate angsty ppl cos i alwaes think they're claiming to hurt like hell and attract attention and just want to get flattering comments abt themselves. i act optimistic but i'm actualli a horrible cynic. but for this moment let mi more humane side take over: i'm sure i'm not alone in feelin like an empty vessel and i'm sure lotsa ppl have bigger problems than me, like worrying if they can even find food or money for their nex meal.. so i shud just forget it and continue living mi life. . fuck i dun understand mi entry at all.. who the fuck am i?

had cooking club meeting today~! it was so cool we got to make chicken parmigiana and apple crumble and they tasted super delicious!!! we went to this e&d teacher's house in zone 3!! took an hour by train and we were pretty late~!!!! wonder how she goes to school every morning~! her family was lovely, esp. her daughter who gave us a tour around the house and garden. very cute girl she was~~ =] geoff being the gentleman that he was, realli behaved so well, helping out in serving the food and trying to converse with the young girl. oh mann i wanna make the same meal for my sis and her frens again~ hehhe..

took train back to the city.. sis and frens went to moorabool for sightseeing and i din have the house keys so i cudn't go home~ followed florence and ivan to crown.. unfortunately ivan and i gave each other so much attitude at one point of time and i ended up storming away. in the end i had no one to go out with.. called daniel and had dinner with him and he walked me home n waited for my sis & co. with me~ haha.. thank you so much daniel!

sis's frens split up.. 2 of 'em went to swim while the rest went to look for videos to rent~ haha.. we all chilled around with pizza and now they're all gone somewhere and i dunno if i shud wait for them and watch or not! so sleepyyy!!!!! onli slept for an hour++!!

Razors pain you;
rivers are damp;
acids stain you;
and drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give;
gas smells awful;
you might as well live.

ooooh maann dun think i'm gonna bother slping tonite!it's like 5.55am and i've got a cooking club meeting at 9.55am!!! yesterdae was REALLI eventful mann~! can't believe i cud squeeze so mani things into like less than 24 hours??? skipped maths 1 lecture (shit i'm so behind in maths!) cos altho i slept at 9++pm the nite before i cudn't bring myself to wake up until 9++am!!!!! hhehe.. ummmss.. went to sch to surf internet on the sch comp.. read rachel's blog and cudn't help but cry cos she poured out all her bottled up emotions with such beautiful language.. i suck at expressing my personal feelings~! and coincidentally andrias and alan entered the lab and it was so embarrassing to show my tearful face and cause panic for them so i kinda slipped off.. i hope tt all will end well for rachel yaa? had committee meeting discussing the ball... fun psych tute on interpreting dreams..then hoi lecture on feminism.. yeah! today's syllabus so exciting!!

afta sch sis, stella & ar fetched mi frm sch in their new rented car!! haha a champagne coloured toyota~ nice! drove for a bit b4 headn home to watch blade II~ 8pm had a "date" with daniel HAHA.. ate at Crown's food court, watched Suddenly 30 and played at the arcade!! we discovered this balloon blowing machine which'll fill a heart-shaped balloon up with helium and attach a string to it! den when i took it out it went up to some spotlight bulbs and burst!!! oh mann!! the security guard kept laughing at us!!! den later on daniel felt bad and got another one for me.. but this time before even taking it out of the machine it burst!!!!!! omg!! so irritated!!!! ate so much till daniel nagged at miiiiiii!!! oh daniel's so funni i kept laughing at cute guys when i'm around him!! like the popcorn guy.. i was like WAD'S BOYSENBERRY CHOCTOP!? IS IT EDIBLE?! den we cudn't stop laughing and the cutie just smiled and went a bit red~! finished abt 1am.. sis & stella sent daniel home n we went for another drivee! whee~!

anyway.. made a last minute decision to go to the Loft at 2am for siok's birthday so i went wit stella~ loft so crowded n smokey yarh.. sound system a bit muffled too.. kinda sucked mann.. the house dance floor was much betta than r'n'b tho. but it was still fun, all the sexy girls n guys~! n i'm sure siok hui had fun too!~! unexpectedly lawson was there and it was cool all of us dancing together!! =] this tiffany ahh.. so naughty mann!! got so drunk till she fell on the cake and all the wine glasses~! the whole floor was scattered with glass shards mann so scarie!! afta she went home the guard came along and thot it was my other tipsy fren who did tt and he kicked her out! aiya poor girl!!

k just got home n showered!! i onli drank 2 shots: cowboy & quick f**k (the bartender realli entertained me & stella while serving tt drink! oOoo!!) - den water all the wae so i'm still sober! long day huh?? n u noe wad?? i think i'm gonna slp altho it's alreadi 6.33!! i onli hav 1 and a half hours to sleeeeeeeeppppppp!!!!!!!!

hehe i'm happi now~! almost all my assignments are over~! the deadlines of the remaining ones are far awae so i can take my time researching~! hehehe. but in a coupla weeks' time i'll be having my maths 1 and literature exam!! mmm... i'll study nex week! i think i've mentioned this before but i still haven't found any close frens in trinity.. it's realli hard to find real frens in melbourne. okayy and it probably is my fault cos i'm on a different wavelength from so many ppl! however, i'm still thankful for being alive and eating well and at least i'm not labelled a loser or anything in my sch so i've decided not to worry abt it animore~ wad comes will come and wad goes will go! i'll alwaes have good memories of the ppl i've had fun being with cos i can't expect them to stay in my life.. they have their own lives too! i sound like socrates!!! okie no la.. i'm just a lowly philosopher!! hahaha.. k larhs i'm in sch typing this now and waiting for my committee meeting to start~ ciaoz babes!!