the deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy

i'm not feeling that depressed. i'm not that happy either. probably just neutral.. there isn't much i look forward to in life and the things that i do. i just wish that i'll find more meaning in my life one day. hope that day will come sooner than later. this thing called 'life' is just not clearly explained enough for anyone.

it sucks to lose a friend u thot would be around all the time. but i'd like to stand by my policy "i don't care for pple who don't care abt me". i don't care even if things get complicated further. i thought i finally found a gang that i could fit in after a whole year of receiving flak from all sorts of cliques. but now i think i'm back to square one.. i shan't think abt it. what's wrong with being alone? there isn't a right or wrong way to have a social life.. there'll always be someone to interact with somehow if u really want to.

i'm probably homesick and feeling nostalgic abt the times i had in sngs. well i'm starting to think i mite be living too much in the past cos distance and time do make pple drift apart no matter what and it just will never be the same again. i can't expect too much. i'm not complaining. i'm just trying to accept it.

tried clubbing on friday to cheer myself up. umm.. music and atmosphere was great. r'n'b, mambo and trance. lasers. mist. particularly enjoyed myself at trance cos it felt like a new culture with all the ravers with their big loud costumes and i learned a little by watching them "shuffle".

somehow i just felt like clubbing was getting kinda meaningless. pple get too wild. guys examine the girls and try hard to find ways to touch or coax them into false situations of intimacy. just what the hell is wrong with plain dancing and enjoying it? i was super irritated with having all the ji kor pehs rubbing themselves against me that i didn't care if i got into trouble or not but i just shoved them off with all my might and screamed into their ears. and no i wasn't high at all. it's not just the old ji kor pehs.. even the younger guys that u think are all right.. they just can't control themselves. ahh forget it. i'm turning into a cynic. i can't believe i'm saying this.. but i think clubbing just isn't my thing no more.