the deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy

tired.. muscles tense.. i seem to be losing yet gaining weight at the same time. i noe i noe.. i shud be reading my stack of research instead of whining randomly but rite now this is for me to chill, even if it's for a few minutes..

i dunno wad to sae.. just a few minutes DAMMIT!

f-kin stressed and emotional. with assignments, duh. i'm not gonna spend a part of my brain on guys no more. love is screwed up. all guys say bullcrap tt they nv mean. that's all u need to know. i dun give a shit. dun bother me with such things.

i dun understand why nothing ever goes my way this month. if i rmb correctly my chinese zodiac sign says that april is a shit month. dun realli believe or care.. and even if it was true, those 2 horrible weeks were enuff to define "shit" already. march was a time when everything around me was beautiful like cherry blossoms and cheerful like puffy singing birds. now i feel damn f-king disillusioned. i dunno if i'm changing.. shud i continue being hyper & cheerful? it's getting harder and harder to hide my angst.

sometimes for no reason at all.. or for too many subconscious reasons.. u just wanna hide somewhere and just put ur head in ur hands and let it all out.

my mum's not letting me set foot on japan. she says there's earthquakes everyday all across japan. wth. my mind's too full to focus on the disappointment. i'm so very sorry sylvia. so sorry i can't go wit u. realli hope we can take a raincheck on the trip.. maybe when the world isn't so screwed up with disasters animore.

i've bcum so damm forgetful cos i have too mani things pushing arnd in my head. i miss my tram stops everytime i get on the tram cept' for melb uni cos u can't miss that big interchange. it's a realli minor thing.. but trust me.. the littlest things are capable of pissing me off for now. dun trifle with me.

i'm feeling like a major makeover. heavy rocker. black nails. i miss offspring and limp bizkit.

my internet addiction is getting from bad to worse.

i can't believe it.. him of all peculiar guys.. why can't he realise what he's saying is weird? my daoing and insulting doesn't seem to send the msg across. it's too sick. it's freaking me out.

today i met farrell, dennis and jaya at unionhse.. hmmm.. trinity.. seems as distant as sngs now.. not that it was a very happi 2004 either. but it was definitely a very happi 2003.

i really want to treasure my life. but why can't i still find my passion? i thot maybe i cud find it in guys i was attracted to but love was overrated. i realised it's gotta be sth non-human.. definitely non-male. i betta find sth before i break down and do sth drastic like drop out of sch or sth. if i do that.. my dad's gonna have a heart attack.. my mum's gonna be in depression. fuck it. it's betta to OD and die than disappoint ur parents.